(Excerpt from Dr. White’s book “Against The Grain, Raising Christ-Focused Children From A to Z”)
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” – Ephesians 4:29
Amazingly, affirmation can have such a positive impact when it comes to relationship issues with your children. Let me explain. I remember when our oldest daughter was in middle school and she was approached by young boys that wanted to be her boyfriend. They would attempt to give her gifts, or they would attempt to give her cards. My daughter has been told from birth how beautiful she is and how she does not need to be affirmed by a boy. We have stressed to her that she could stand strong on who God has made her and understand that the earthly parents that her heavenly Father has given to her can provide for her needs more so than any young boy. By continuing to affirm that within her, she was able to deny those gifts and not feel that she was missing out on anything.
I have to be honest, that it was not always an easy discussion initially with her, because who wouldn’t want a little boy giving you a beautiful card with money in it for your birthday. I still remember the look on her face when her father told her she had to go back to school and give the money back to the little boy, but she could keep the card, and she had to explain why. I saw that process with her and her father as being such a wonderful growth opportunity, that he affirmed who she is as a young woman growing in Christ. It was such a turning point for her because then she understood that she couldn’t be bought by someone, but she could choose to have relationships with those individuals that she chooses without feeling that they have to buy her affection because she was strong enough within herself.
Here’s my advice: Take time with your child on a daily basis to find something that is good in their environment that they have done. Many times as parents we are so quick to correct and to discipline our children and forget to affirm. There is definitely a time and place for discipline and to have some time of correction based on their behavior; however, it needs to be coupled daily with finding things that are positive about your child. Therefore, I want to encourage you today to make a list of the things that “wow” you about your child and give that list to your child. Maybe you will frame it, maybe you could put it on a bulletin board, but every time that child has a doubt about the world around them they can look at that piece of paper and remember that I have been affirmed, first and foremost by my heavenly Father, and then secondly by the earthly parents that have been given to me.